I work for Procter & Gamble, and their benefits allow employees to take up to 1 year off (not paid, but your job is secure) following the birth of a child. I took 8 months off with my first child (2013), and I maxed out the full year this time around with my 2nd child which is sadly ending next week. With this chapter of my life closing, I want to share a few of my learnings about this time with my friends.
Prior to becoming a mom, I had a different opinion about maternity leave. I would hear a lot of opinions at work or in social settings, about whether or not mothers should take this time off. I’d have to say, there were quite a few people (especially grandparent-types) that voiced their support for it, and really thought it was a great benefit that should be maxed out. However, others adamantly thought it was too much time off and were worried that the time off may or may not be used efficiently. Of all the different opinions I heard, the strongest critics were almost always working-women, often making statements, like, “Well, I couldn’t stand being home that long, I’d go stir-crazy” or, “I just needed a few months off to heal, I’m ready to be back at it”. Just listening to so many young working-women (especially if they work in a male-dominated field) use the same phrases to explain why they don’t need this time off… well, it just makes me sad. To me it sounds like strong women, trying to explain away the need to be maternal. You can tell many feel they will wear some sort of badge of honor for getting back to their pre-baby work life as quickly as possible. They seem to think this will show how tough and un-phased they can be by the new HUGE addition in their lives. And embarrassingly enough, I have to admit, I was one of those critics—not so much caring what time others took off, but more so thinking there was no way I would take this time off. I mean, I am a veteran, alpha-female, tough-shell-kind-of-chick, right? I wanted to show the world that I didn’t need to stop and smell the roses with my kiddos. I definitely didn’t want a bunch of guys at work thinking I needed “preferential treatment”, right? I mean, I spent my years in the military trying to prove that I was equal to my male-counterparts, so why would I “get soft” now? I think my younger self was afraid that taking this time off might appear to be a sign of weakness. I grew up with a work hard, play hard mentality, and no silly baby was going to affect my work or my fun.
Well, I was wrong. I was so, so wrong.
Not only did my “fun” (meaning, going out with friends regularly to concerts, bars, restaurants, movies, etc.) come to a screeching halt, but my opinion on work-life balance changed. I was surprised by the shift in my vision of a good life. For example, it cracks me up that I was worried about the baby affecting my ability to go out every weekend?!?! No one warned me that it would be ME wanting to stay home & hold my babies as much as I could—honestly, I think the kids would prefer we go out more, for their sanity?
And for an example from my work life, after having my first child I took 8 months of maternity leave, and when I returned to work I “cut” back my hours a bit to 40-50/week. I found out the hard way that it was too much time away from my baby (for me and my child). Bad behaviors developed in my kiddo because she was at a daycare 12 hours/day and my stress level from my fast-paced role and missing my baby was affecting my abilities to compassionately parent. So with my second (and final) child, I learned from my past mistakes, and decided to take the full year of maternity leave off, and then go back to work part time for 20 hours/week. Luckily, Procter & Gamble also offers this option.
This wasn’t preferential treatment, like I was fearing. This was fair treatment. It would be preferential if my male counterparts & I were in fact equal. But we are not. Well, not until men are able to give birth to children. Until then, we are different, and this is fair treatment for a woman who just gave birth to her young. BTW, somewhere during the delivery process of my first child, these thoughts started to take root?
So, the 8 months I took off with my first child was wonderful and peaceful and amazing; just one little quiet peanut and I at home. But this past full year off, where I have been able to be stress-free (from work issues only?), and as a result be fully present with both of my girls at totally different stages in their lives, has been a true blessing. And I’m not sure what the future holds for me and my work life. I’ve learned enough to know, “Make plans, God laughs.” But I do see me going back to the corporate world full time at some point because “accomplishing the mission” (whether at sea or on a manufacturing floor) has been in my blood for too long now!
So, in an attempt to possibly help others who may be struggling with the decision of how much time to take off due to their own personal standards/goals/visions, I wanted to capture everything I was able to accomplish with my family and my home/personal life during these 12 months off. This is in no way to brag or show how busy we were—I mean, if you are reading this, you have seen my “FOR REAL” posts where we have seen our fair share of tantrums, bitings, near-drownings, etc. This is instead to capture how invaluable of a gift it is to receive the chance to spend this time with your little ones.
Places visited:
Arcola, Illinois
Bass Pro St. Charles
Beaver Dam State Park
Berry Park
Bethalto Culp Lane Park
Blumenhoff Winery
Busch Stadium
Carlinville Refugee Coffee House
Carlyle Lake
Destin, Fl (Boathouse, AJs, McGuires, Beach, etc.)
Drewel Park
Edwardsville Airplane Park
Edwardsville Children Museum
Fairview Heights Shopping
Fitness & Fun Bethalto Illinois
Kircher Park
Lions Park
Midway Park
Grafton, Illinois
Grant’s Farm
Wood River Park
Montelle Winery
Outlet Malls (Chesterfield)
Peabody Opera House
Purina Farm
Rigazzis
South County Mall
St. Louis Mills
Science center
St. James, MO
Sybills, St. James
The Galleria
Union Station
World Class Gym, Illinois
Zoo (50+ times)
1st Baptist Bethalto Park
Events attended:
Alton Memorial Day Parade
Alton’s Staycation Amtrak Deal ($4 round trip to STL)
Arcola Broom Festival
Bass Pro Holiday Crafts 6 wks
Blackberry-Pickin’ at Grafton Eckerts
Boo at the Zoo Nights
Boo at the Zoo Spooky Saturday
Cardinals Game at Busch Stadium
Carrie Underwood at Chaifetz Arena
Elks Christmas Party
Dogtown St. Patty’s Day
Downtown St. Patty’s Day
Fishing Trip, Carlyle Lake
Grafton Illinois (Historical Boat Display)
Grafton Ferry Trip
IHOP Veteran’s Day Meal
Jason Aldean/Kenny Chesney at Arrowhead Stadium
Jerseyville Fair
Leisure World Gym (2-3x/week)
MOPS meetings (2x/month)
Monthly School District Play dates
Multiple Church Chicken Dinner Festivals
Prairietown Parade & World’s Fair
Pumpkin-Picking at Rhoades Family Farm
Springtime Village at Purina Farms
Zoo Veteran’s Day Sale
Zoo Wild Nights
1st Baptist Church Bethalto Fall Festival
9/11 Veteran’s Free Pass Milstadt Eckerts
Projects completed:
Completed monthly pics to show. growth of Chayce
Created the 2015 Family Photobook.
Created a Birth Photobook of Chayce.
Created a Birth Photobook of Charleigh.
Created a craft room & storage space for me on 2nd floor.
Created a craft storage space for girls in kitchen.
Created a family calendar with all vacations, 5-6 fishing trips, family events spelled out for 2016.
Decorated the house for every holiday.
Designed, ordered, hung canvas pictures of maternity & newborn pictures.
Held multi-family garage sale.
Hosted 5 different family/friends holiday/bday parties at our home.
Made/sold numerous crafts.
Made personal birthday gifts & Father’s Day gifts for the family.
Made personal Christmas gifts for the grandparents with pics of the girls.
Organized clothes storage for the girls in laundry room (so they can access them easily).
Planned/executed Chayce’s baptism and brunch.
Planned/executed a week-long family vacation (including my parents) in Destin, FL.
Planned/executed our 1st two-kid fishing trip.
Reorganized toy storage in living room (3 times).
Reorganized kitchen storage to hold bottles/bibs/diapers/wipes again.
Spent weeks & several weekends in Eureka helping out my family with flood recovery.
Switched out clothes sizes 5 times for Chayce and 2 times for Charleigh.
Wrote and recorded a song for Chayce.
Milestones observed:
Chayce’s 1st breath
Chayce’s 1st cry
Chayce’s 1st word
Chayce smiling
Chayce laughing
Chayce getting her 1st tooth
Chayce starting to sit up
Chayce belly-crawling
Chayce actually crawling
Chayce pulling up
Chayce’s 1st step
Chayce’s 1st cold
Chayce’s 1st shot
Chayce’s 1st tantrum
Chayce’s 1st discipline
Chayce’s 1st attempt to touch outlet
Chayce advancing to shower time
Chayce’s 1st round of holidays & all the excitement that comes with it
Chayce’s 1st Cardinals Game
Chayce’s baptism.
Charleigh potty-trained
Charleigh learning ABC songs
Charleigh learning to count to 20
Charleigh learning to talk in full sentences
Charleigh learning to dress herself
Charleigh learning to brush her own teeth with big girl toothpaste:)
Charleigh learning chores: how to put clothes in laundry, clean her tray, put trash in the trashcan, put dishes in sink, put clothes in her drawers, get clothes out of her drawers
Charleigh memorizing books
Charleigh reciting songs
Charleigh jumping in the pool (going under, & getting head wet)
Charleigh learning to play soft with her sister (kind of)
Charleigh learning to share (kind of)
Charleigh learning the same/different concept
Charleigh completing puzzles up to 25 pieces by herself
Charleigh attending first school events
Charleigh’s 1st professional manicure
Charleigh able to sit in church quietly with me instead of nursery.
Both girls —1st camping trip.
Both girls —1st political rally.
Both girls —1st time to vote.
Both girls —1st trip to beach/ocean.
Moments shared:
8 months of breastfeeding.
Baby (14 yo dog) passing away
Family vacation memories including the grandparents.
Fishing at dusk.
Getting to visit with my nieces/nephews at least monthly, including seeing Carrie Underwood Concert.
Girls visited grandpa (in Illinois) at least a couple times a week.
Grasping onto those perfect, quiet, quick 4 days in the hospital with my fresh, sweet baby girl.
Holding my girls, and singing them to sleep every day at nap time.
Holiday crafting, gift-giving, seeing the expressions on the littles faces…
Lazy mornings snuggling together.
Leaving them at their new daycare for a practice?
Long walks and talks and “I Spy”.
Lots of bath/shower times.
Lots of trips to Eureka so girls could see my family.
Lots of my family visiting our home.
Lots of reading time.
Lots of craft time.
Meeting amazing friends (and eating wonderful food) at MOPS.
Precious girlfriend weekend away, so daddy could get 1-1 time with the girls!
Random picnics in the park.
Santa/Easter Bunny visits.
Sharing communion for the first time with Charleigh.
Sick day cuddles.
Sledding together.
Snuggles with my girls.
Swimming at dawn.
Swimming at dusk.
Teaching my girls to hug, love, be kind, swim, be active, be strong, follow rules (kind of), stay outdoors, etc.
Trick-or-treating with the family.
Waking up to Charleigh crawling into bed.
Waking up to the sun.
Waking up to hearing my girls on their monitors.
Watching my girls play together.
Watching Chayce’s personality start to show.
Watching Charleigh make-believe play.
Watching the girls meet & interact with teachers & peers at MOPS, gym daycare, and school district play date.
Zoo time = perfect bonding & burning (calories) time.
ONE ENTIRE YEAR HOME WITH MY GIRLS … PRICELESS.
Thank you, Procter & Gamble for allowing this important time off with my kiddos.