My Easter Reflection
I’m sitting here soaking up some serious heat in my bathtub and reflecting about the crazy & beautiful Easter Day I just experienced. There were so many hugs & kisses, and plenty of gift-giving, worshipping, egg-hunting, pigging out, and resting. But on the flip side, there were tantrums, and lots of rushing, correcting, hauling, cooking, cleaning, etc. So, my Easter was filled with a nice balance of highs and lows, with the day really feeling like a win overall!
Spring and the Easter Holiday have a funny way of kickin’-up some of my yearnings of self-reflection, reminding me of our wonderful ability to continuously renew & rejuvenate our lives at any given moment…
To me, there is something so calming and so peaceful about being able to hit the reset button at any time in life, especially when you are then able to push your new life beyond boundaries you hadn’t ever imagined were possible.
As I’m sitting here thinking back over past Easters or Springtimes, I’m amazed at how many peaks and valleys I’ve endured, and how most (if not all) were not in my “life plan”.
Here is a summary from just the past few years (around Easter):
2004- Filled with fear and anxiety about getting ready to come home and change careers after spending 9 years away in the Coast Guard.
2005- Filled with grief from having both of my grandmas pass away.
2006- Filled with excitement about recent engagement.
2007- Filled with fear of marriage difficulties.
2008- Continued fear of marriage difficulties and anxiety about decision to change career again.
2009- Continued fear and sadness about inability to change state of marriage, but optimism about new career path.
2010- Absolutely lost in grief, embarrassment, fear, and disappointment due to divorce.
2011- Optimism of new serious relationship and motivated by continued success in career. Sadness of sister/family moving away.
2012- Excitement about upcoming wedding and continued motivation about career progress.
2013- Excitement about upcoming birth of first child, severe anxiety/isolation with being bedridden 3 months, & work on pause.
2014- Truly enjoying life with 1 baby and motivated by work progress.
2015- Excitement about upcoming birth of 2nd baby, and worry for 1st baby adjustment. Grieving loss of 2 pets. Excitement of sister/family moving back!
2016- So much beauty, busyness and messiness surrounding life with 2 kiddos…. Worried about return to work and finding the right balance for myself and my family.
If someone 10-12 years ago would’ve asked me if the lumpy, bumpy, staggered path I just described would be a summary of MY life, I would’ve laughed … This is not what I pictured. This was not my plan. My plan, of course, had a lot more “highs” and really no “lows”. My plan had me skyrocketing to the top of my career path with 2.5 children, a nice house, a well-behaved dog, the perfect marriage, and nothing but blue skies.
My plan didn’t have the words: death, unmotivated, struggling, divorce, anxiety, bedrest, counseling, embarrassment, failure, etc. My plan, honestly, didn’t account for LIFE. And as a result, my plan would’ve skipped right over all the new learnings, life lessons, and redevelopment of myself.
I honestly never planned that I wouldn’t be moved or motivated by the family-business. I know for sure that I never planned to slow my career & life pace down in order to provide more precious moments with my babies. I never planned to find empathy deep inside myself for other working moms, or SAHMs, or first time moms, or bedridden moms. I never planned on a lot of things. It’s true, my original plan would’ve been a lot less painful, but I would never have grown or loved like I have learned to love on the path I’ve been given.
So on this Easter, I sit here loving my messy life, feeling very blessed for each time I have tripped and fell. So I will try to spend my last few restful minutes of today, thanking God for each redirection & blessing in my life, and building my faith and courage for whatever peak or valley comes next on my fabulous, messy, little journey.