23 years ago tomorrow, I experienced one of those embarrassing snot-cry moments in life. I was 18 years old, freshly graduated from Eureka High as a cocky-senior, and boarding a flight headed to Connecticut. Just before getting on the plane, I looked back up the gangway towards my family & waved. I was sobbing, they were sobbing, it was exhausting. At one point I wasn’t sure I could physically make myself move forward. I was so ridiculous, that the flight attendant, with a worried half-smile, brought by a box of Kleenex for me, and gave me a little pat on the shoulder.
When we landed, a random sponsor family picked me up at the airport and kept me at their house for the night. They tried to make it peaceful evening, but my anxiety was so high about what was coming the next day that it felt like I was in a fog. Early the next morning they dropped this very naive girl with perfectly-poofy hair, a new outfit, bright lipstick, brand-new luggage & a huge smile off at the US Coast Guard Academy for Reporting-In Day. As I walked through the arch of Chase Hall and into the quad, I embarked on the first chapter of my adult life. Within the first hour, I was put in an unflattering uniform, my make-up was sweated/washed off, my luggage was tossed in the attic (never to be used during my cadet career), and my smile was replaced with a fear-filled quiver.
Over the next 4 years, I learned so much about who I was, who I wasn’t, who I could trust, who I admired, and who I wanted to become.
There were cool times/experiences I got because of attending the Academy, like all the different countries I got to visit, sailing the CGC Eagle across the Atlantic Ocean to Ireland, learning to navigate celestially, using one of the most advanced visual simulators to learn how to drive a ship, getting to indoctrinate new cadets as a junior, and learning to shoot a gun/use pepper spray/defend yourself.
However, there were really, really hard times, where I was (regularly) screamed at in public by upperclassmen where their spit was landing on my face, had my room turned upside down because it wasn’t to standard, experienced a few sexual harassment-type encounters, and felt so alone and homesick that I would cry myself to sleep for months on end.
And of course, there were a lot of physical difficulties…like long group runs in dress shoes, obstacle courses where I’d inevitably burn the skin off of my shins on the ropes, and a semi-annual challenging fitness test.
The part that surprised me the most about the Academy was how mentally-challenging it was. For example, I graduated high school with well over a 4.0 gpa, and yet struggled to hit a 3.0 at CGA. But beyond the difficult academic requirements, I found the mental challenge of peer competition the hardest. Truth be told, although my first few years started out strong & somewhat motivating at the Academy, my last few years were filled with lots of restrictions, demerits, and worry about whether I’d survive ‘till graduation. Sadly, many of the times I got in trouble, my classmates had turned me in for breaking a rule. We were ranked against each other, and every time I got in trouble my ranking dropped. That ranking was the key to your first assignment after graduation, so it was a big thing. Don’t get me wrong, I made the mistakes, I made the choices to break (quite a few) rules, so I own the result. But it’s one thing to have leadership catch you misbehaving—-it’s a totally different thing to have your peers turn you in. Even after all these years that was the biggest spirit-breaking part of my experience at USCGA.
So, although, I cannot look back at all of my Academy years with fond memories and a smile, I do know that I made some of the best friends and closest connections I will ever make in life. I learned a lot of hard life lessons really quickly by being “on my own” at 18. There’s something about having to make adult decisions so far from your parents, and then stand on your own 2 feet when those decisions have consequences. Looking back now, I know there were 5 things that helped me survive being a cadet at a military academy:
1. Amazing friends-I had a good handful of really close friends who could see me as just me…the mess of a young adult I was, trying to limp my way along into my own life path… and not judge me. Rachel, Mclauf, Kate, Sarah, Jo, Beatty, Marie, and Beeg were my closest buds and I would’ve never lasted there w/o them & their shenanigans.
2. Prayer -Before every meal, we would get a moment of silence… which in the early days of my cadet-career, was the only “safe” time in the day where you weren’t screamed at for screwing up. And from day 1, I would say the same prayer over and over at every meal, “Dear God, thank you for your strength & guidance.”
3. Sports/Activities- I didn’t earn a ton of accolades at the Academy, but I did earn, “The Female Cadet Who Participated the Most in Sports.” It didn’t take me long to realize that escaping the barracks for sports and activities would help me stay sane. So, I joined indoor/outdoor track, cross country, Glee Club, I even taught dance, and worked as a football manager one season when I was injured. I’m proud to say I even still have 1 record on the wall for triple jump. But hands down, these sports kept me sane.
4. My family/friends—I look back at the trips my family and friends took during that time to visit me, and all the care packages they sent, and I realize how blessed I was/I am. This was before cell phones, and therefore, I spent more money than I actually made calling home on a pay phone to cry on my momma’s shoulder.
5. Rules—-break them enough to stay sane, but not too much that you end up kicked out!
Once I graduated, I told myself I would never wish time away again. And as I left the Academy for my first unit, CGC SENECA out of Boston, I truly found a passion for my career while I served my country as a Commissioned Officer in the greatest branch of the military. The Coast Guard has the best people, the best missions, and in most cases the best station locations! I could (and probably will) write an entire blog one day on my experience in the Coast Guard after the Academy.
Until then, God Bless the Coast Guard!
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